Release Date: May 23, 2023
ISBN: 9781627783200
eISBN: 9781627785334

Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships

by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, Emily Sotelo Matlack

Relationships aren't "one-size-fits-all" so why should relationship advice be? Multiamory offers practical, research-based communication tools for the full spectrum of modern relationships.

When Multiamory authors Dedeker Winston, Emily Sotelo Matlack, and Jase Lindgren started producing their advice show about polyamory and other non-traditional relationships, they received dozens of questions from listeners about all sorts of relationship quandaries and communication stalemates. They quickly found out that existing relationship tools weren’t up to the task, and that conventional wisdom is sorely lacking for modern relationships. Many of the primary resources for relationship advice are frustratingly religious, unapproachable and academic, or alienating to anyone who falls outside the mainstream of heterosexual monogamy.

Over the course of many years and hundreds of episodes, they have spent hours nerding out over research, reading up on evidence-based relationship advice, and listening to the personal struggles of hundreds of couples and individuals. They have re-tooled commonplace communication frameworks to fit modern-day relationships, and when there was no existing tool that fit, they put on their inventor hats and developed their own. This has led to the creation of Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships, a curated collection of the most popular communication tools, advice, and wisdom from the Multiamory podcast that have helped thousands of listeners improve their communication and create healthy relationships. In this book, you’ll learn how to:

—Get what you need out of conversations with your partner with the Triforce of Communication
—Create Microscripts that will interrupt old patterns, diffuse tension, and form better communication habits.
—Process and reconnect after an argument with Repair SHOP
—Determine your unique processing style, and how it may be clashing with your partner’s
—Set up a regular RADAR check-in to support the long-term health of all of your relationships
And more!

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A compendium of practical, 'real-world' advice, tips and techniques for men and women involved in a consenting and intimate multi-partner adult relationship, Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships will prove to be an impressive resources of invaluable support, insights, problem solving, and life-enhancing information. . . Exceptionally well written, organized and presented. 


—Midwest Book Review


Multiamory is an invaluable resource for people in all kinds of relationships, drawing together a wealth of helpful tools and techniques for improving communication, managing conflict, and more. It’s written in a wonderfully warm, sometimes playful, style, with heaps of clear, relatable examples (and many useful acronyms!) So much to love. 


—Meg-John Barker, author of Rewriting The Rules


Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships contains the same unique, innovative and empathetic spirit as the authors' wildly popular Multiamory podcast. The pragmatic tools they include here are essential to any individual seeking to improve their communication, relationships and overall emotional health. A must-read.


—Jen Schneider, LICSW/LCSW, psychotherapist and consultant


For better and worse, human intimacy rests on the co-created foundations of one single practice: communication - and those of us in multiple intimate relationships know this to the deepest degree. Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships is a bedrock contribution to the emergent canon on alternative relationship structures, and the RADAR practice is perhaps its richest topsoil. Gathered from endless hours of collaborative dialogue, bravo to this compendium of distilled communicative wisdom!


—Francis Guerriero, MA, LICSW, Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Psychedelic-assisted Therapy Trainer


Multiamory holds within its pages a set of tools that will be useful when communicating in any relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, familial, or professional. The reader may well nod along with some of the scenarios in the book, seeing their own past conflicts reflected - but then, they'll learn different ways to communicate about communication, with many possible solutions offered. I appreciate how Multiamory gently reminds the reader that there is no "one size fits all" formula for resolving conflict, instead offering myriad potential ways forward to discuss and implement. An incredibly useful compass!


—Kitty Stryker, consent educator and author of Ask Yourself: The Consent Culture Workbook


Multiamory is a book that everyone needs on their bookshelf. While the Multiamory authors got their start making much-needed relationship advice for nonmonogamous people, the lessons you learn in this book to communicate more clearly, work through difficult emotions, and get in touch with what is most important have the power to transform all types of relationships, including friends, family, and coworkers. Their practical approach means that you have the tools and tactics you need to start improving your relationships right now. I've already begun recommending it to friends and clients alike.


—Brian G. Murphy, co-founder of, lead coach at Relationshift


One thing I really love about Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships is the honesty from all of the authors about their experiences with different challenges they've had. I often say in my column and podcast that people have rose tinted glasses when it comes to polyamory. If more people read books like Multiamory when they're starting out or struggling, more people would be open to having real conversations about the ups and downs. With practical exercises, this isn't just another book about how great non-monogamy is but how to really improve the skills that help make any relationship stronger.


—Lola Phoenix, author of The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy


Leaders in the field of diverse relationship styles for nearly a decade, the folks from the Multiamory podcast are at it again with their new book Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. This book is useful not only for people interested in the wide and wild world of consensual non monogamies, but anyone who wants to have a relationship founded in skills like conflict resolution, positive communication styles, and compassion. The tools that Lindgren, Matlack, and Winston offer in their new book mirror some of the ideas in their fabulous podcast, and go beyond it with more concrete ideas about how to foster and manage healthy, happy relationships of any kind. 


—Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door and Children in Polyamorous Families 


This interactive book is essential for all folks who want to improve their connections and relationships of any kind. With their relatable anecdotes and research-informed tools, the Multiamory team has created a necessary read where there is something for everyone who wants to enhance their human experience.


—Nicoletta Heidegger, Sexologist and Host of the Sluts and Scholars podcast 


Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships is a great book packed full of important communication tools for relationships of all kinds. In our busy lives, we all need clever hacks to make daunting conversations easier to navigate which this book provides. It’s also full of easy-to-understand practices to make relationships more connected, content and compassionate. Strategies, such as RADAR check ins, will be game changers in the relationships lucky enough to be touched by this book.


—Kate Loree, sex positive psychotherapist and author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships


These tools are timely and empowering for anyone navigating alternative relationship structures. A necessary resource for non monogamous folks trying to find a way through even the most challenging communication conundrums.


—Sam Cat, creator of the website Shrimp Teeth


This book is an excellent resource for those who want to be communication ninjas regardless of their relationship style. A must read for a thriving modern relationship. 


—Effy Blue, Relationships Coach and co-host of The Curious Fox podcast  


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